Broken.

People say when your heart breaks, it's never the same. To that, I say thank goodness.

We wouldn't be where we are today if we never experienced what we have. It's a journey. Some things don't go according to plan, some do, some go drastically in the other direction. It's okay- it's life. It's a journey. A beautifully messy journey. When you experience something that leads you to say [it broke my heart] you are never the same. Everybody feels...but feels differently. The whole DNA thing, I suppose & a wonderful Creator who made us all unique. The steps you take following a heart break determine many things. First, you realize you will actually  be okay. If you are blessed enough to have supportive, encouraging family & friends, you learn not to take them for granted. You learn many things. You find strength. When the only option you have is to be strong-- you become strong. The heart is confusing, sure. When it breaks (insert imagery here) there are cracks. Sometimes it doesn't fit back together perfectly. There are gaps. What do you fill those gaps with? Addictions? Religion? Despair? Regret? Love? 

You see, my heart has been broken. It was not a fun experience, but I am so thankful for it. I believe you may be able to relate. Since being here, teaching here, some of those gaps in my own heart have filled. These students have already had such a magnificent impact on me and I struggle to put it into words. They are writing their names on my heart sort of speak. I am finding such joy in this whole process of teaching them. I hesitate to tell you that I have doubted I would be learning & growing this much if I stayed in the states to teach my 1st year out of college. I have told my friends that I have experienced just about every emotion possible since accepting this position. Is that normal...yet to be determined. People have taken time to pour into my life and see me through every part of my journey here thus far. I am thankful. I have been convicted to pray for my students. By name. Specifically. They have impacted me and have begun filling some of these gaps. I love to see them love. I love to see them learn. I love to see them trust. This heart is very happy and very inspired by the students in this country. I take the good with the bad. All in.

If my heart had not been broken (crushed, even) I would not have the ability to see how important these kids are or the privilege to have them fill in some of these gaps.

"The first year is the hardest..."  I am SO thankful for the difficulties, obstacles, setbacks, and opportunities to grow and become a better educator from them. I believe you learn who you are as an educator and hold onto everything you learned during the first year. Because it is so hard, it is so rewarding to push through. I am about 1/3 through the school year...wow. This broken heart is still beating ; still smiling ; still blessed ; still learning.