Next Time.

I have 1 week left with my students. 7 days. Back in February, I thought there was no end in sight. The end is in plain sight now and it's scary. I do not really want to leave, but I am so ready to go. I have a wedding to plan and that can be time consuming. One of my students came to my office today and gave me a present. A beautiful music box with a heart felt card (with perfect English might I add). It was incredibly sweet. About 7 students came with her when she presented it to me and I was so close to crying. No, stay strong. They have a way of effecting me I did not think possible.

Some classes have learned a few sentences from their Taiwanese English teacher that they will say at the end of class: "Thank you teacher. See you next time. Have a nice day." The class that the student mentioned above is in does not say that, but I still say "See you next time" to all of my classes.

At the bottom of her card, she wrote "See you next time!"

I do not know when next time might be, but I was so moved by her words.

My students are generous, thoughtful, accepting, and so loving. With every card, cake, seaweed, keychain, porcelain dog, chocolate, or hug I accept I am holding back the tears. I am not one to show emotion much, but my students this year have gotten through to me on a level that's difficult to get to. If this is a preview for what the rest of my teaching career looks like, Lord help me to keep it together, or fall apart at the appropriate time.

I am beyond excited for the next part of my life with my soon-to-be husband. This part of my life (this chapter, if you will) was worth all the obstacles and redirection it took to get the chapter written. This adventure has been just that...an amazing, messy, beautiful adventure.

This year has been phenomenal. I have grown so much as an educator and as an individual. I will take what I learned here in Kinmen, Taiwan with me wherever God leads me next.

The Whole Picture.

I have had several "Oh no, I hope nobody walks into this class right now" moments.

Then, I thought to myself: Actually, I hope they do and I can see the judgmental look on their faces, the disappointment in their body language. THEN, I want the chance to explain why the class was the way it was. They saw a snap shot. I should have the chance to show them the whole picture.

That student standing at the back of the room throwing paper wads at the wall - He screamed at the top of his lungs & began throwing his pencils & pens in the middle of a semi-quiet lesson distracting every.single.student. Now, he only distracts himself.

The student staring at the Power Point not taking notes- He had his notebook taken away because of bad language & completed the notes in my office during his free time.

The student that did not receive his paper back to complete and is laying his head on his desk- He never turned it in the first place and is upset I had him restart the entire paper.

The student who has his head on his desk doodling on a scrap piece of paper while everyone else is on task- He was upset I confiscated his scissors after he started to cut his wrist.

I am not ignoring these kids. It may seem that way if you walk past & look in the windows. You do not know the whole story. For the sake of my kids and myself, please do not jump to conclusions.

Please do not judge what you see in a classroom when you do not have the full picture. In my case, when you were not in there the class beforehand, do not know the students, and leave 5 minutes into a 40 minute lesson. It is hurtful. It is unfair.

Thank you to those who have shown me grace, understanding, and poured into me to guide me to have better and better classes every time.

During my student teaching, I learned not to judge a lesson by watching 5 minutes of it, but here...now, with these kids, it is so real. It effects so many things. Teachers ought to stick together and build one another up (especially when some kids have a tendency to tear us down and push ALL our buttons).

Do not take one piece of the puzzle and analyze it, judge it, criticize it, without seeing how it fits into the overall finished product.

There is exactly one month left of school as I write this. I am still learning. It is amazing. Every day is an adventure. I love every second of it. This lesson, though, might be the most important one I have come to remember. Do not criticize (externally or internally) what you simply do. not. know. Teachers do so much & one of the last things they need is for that one puzzle piece to be judged when they have worked so hard to polish/love/care for every piece and figure out ways to put all the pieces together for a productive, safe learning environment.

Look at the whole picture - I'll leave you with that.

Faith.

Consider this your warning: This post is about our journey so far with the U.S. Visa my fiance is in the process of obtaining. If that does not interest you, go ahead and click that little X on the top right. You won't offend anyone I promise. :) Some of you have asked, so here is most of it.

There is a lot of acronyms, if you can't follow don't worry. I hope you get the main points, though.

We began this Visa process in December 2015. "You weren't even engaged then." Yes, I hear you & to that I say - I know. We knew where our relationship was headed and my now fiance wanted to ask my mom for permission face-to-face when she visited Taiwan in February. So, with that being said...we started the paperwork for this Fiance Visa (yes, that's what it's actually called) in December. I did a lot of researching and found out that the wait time from start to finish was crazy long hence why we agreed that the sooner the better. We gathered all the necessary paperwork, evidence of our relationship, family information, etc. and filled out the lonnnng packet of papers. We sent it to Texas.

The wait began: Waiting for what's called 1st Notice of Action (NOA1)

I included a specific paper that was basically intended for whoever got our packet of information to email and text me saying Texas had received it. I waited for that email. That text. Nothing. In mid-January, they send the petition (it's called a petition-based Visa because they are approved or denied by U.S. government) from Texas back to my home address in the states saying I sent the incorrect fee. Cue frustration. Obviously, it did not matter how many sources I consulted beforehand about the correct amount...it ended up being incorrect. So, the correct fee was sent back with our petition to Texas the very next day. Within the first week of February, we got a "Receipt Notice" telling us they took our money (they used more professional, government-like language).
**lots of calls and emails to/from the Texas USCIS center

Our petition was sent to the California Service Center.
**lots of calls and emails to/from the CA Center now

More waiting: Waiting for what's called 2nd Notice of Action - aka the APPROVAL NOTICE (NOA2)

We were provided with a long number to track the progress of the petition. That sounds great, right? Ehh, not really. It did not provide near enough information to warrant finding the right site & typing in the number every time. I did though. On March 31st, I checked the status and to my surprise the bold letters at the top read "My case has been approved" HOORAY!! It was approved on March 30th, 2016! This 2nd Notice of Action came by email and snail mail and we were informed that the petition was being sent to the National Visa Center (NVC) in New Hampshire. [[this thing has almost been in more states than me]]

More waiting: Waiting to hear from the NVC and get what's called a Case Number

This was the most frustrating time. I called California and the NVC almost daily asking if they had received it. I mean, it was only going from CA to NH surly it cannot take too long. Boy, was I wrong. On a day like any other, I called and they said "We just got it yesterday, do you want your case number?" YES YES YES! That day was May 3rd....[March 30th - May 2nd...5 long weeks] From the NVC, it is sent to Taipei! We figured there would be much more waiting. I logged onto yet another site to track it with our new case number and it says "In Transit". That means it is on its way to the U.S. embassy in Taiwan (American Institute in Taiwan: AIT). When Taipei receives it, they send my fiance another pack of papers and we get the interview scheduled...SOON!

Here we are, waiting. Our packet of papers that began in Kinmen, Taiwan is coming back to Taipei, Taiwan to get my fiance his U.S. Visa.

As soon as we schedule his interview, we can make travel plans and set a wedding date! I think I speak for both of when I say the uncertainties as far as travel is what's most frustrating.

We have filled out many forms, sent them to many agencies and have had constant communication with government officials inquiring about the status of this thing. :) The waiting and frustration is so worth it knowing every day we wait, we are one day closer to becoming husband and wife and we have one more day to trust that God is in complete control. We have faith in this. Faith that God knows what's best. Faith that what we have done so far will be worth it. Faith that our strength comes from Him when we feel defeated or lost. One step at a time, hand in hand...we will get through this and begin our lives together as Mr. and Mrs. Soon enough.

Thanks for reading, guys. If this doesn't pertain to you at all- kudos. If you know somebody going through a similar situation with a U.S. Visa process, I ask you send this to them in the hopes it can help. I learned many things from reading others' blogs and timelines online.

12/20/15 Sent to TX
1/11/16 Incorrect Fee/Returned to Petitioner
1/12/16 Correct Fee and Petition sent to TX
2/4/16 NOA1
3/30/16 NOA2
5/2/16 NVC Receives and assigns Case Number
5/3/16  In Transit to Taipei

....and we continue the wait.

Well, well, well....I figured I would track it before I posted this blog and guess what...our case is now in TAIPEI! Ready for an interview!! If you want to be updated, let me know :) :) :)

How does a packet of paper get from New Hampshire to Taipei, Taiwan faster than it went from California to New Hampshire....?

That's all for now. Stay tuned.

Time.

Lately, I have been listening to songs with the central theme of time: time passing too quickly, missing out on an opportunity/person and wishing you had more time, etc. I realize I only have about 2 months left teaching in Taiwan. Crazy. This time last year, I was anticipating graduation. It turns out you can't really slow down life. It happens whether it has your permission or not. Did I think I would be teaching in another state after graduation, sure. Another country, definitely not. Boy, am I glad things worked out the way they have. In God's perfect timing, things are just as they should be according to His plan...not mine. I have met the love of my life and we are planning a life together. Perfect timing. We have been incredibly stressed & overwhelmed lately trying to prioritize and figure out all of the processes for the government & legal "stuff". It is exhausting. Hey, if teaching falls through for any reason, I should look into becoming an Immigration Attorney (seriously though). Time is fragile. Sometimes it stands still, sometimes you do not know where it went. The people, chances, and lessons involved in time are countless. I have many loved ones back home and I realized I will have missed SO MANY birthdays by the time I get home. That is tough, especially missing the tenth birthday of a little girl whom I love so dearly. 10. That's a big one. Time does not stop. I am learning and living here as everyone 8,000 miles from me is doing. 

If I had things the way I wanted, it would not be the way my Heavenly Father wants. I want what He wants. He knows my heart and situation better than anyone. His timing is perfect. His plans are perfect. Bringing me to a new country to teach has taught me more things than I can explain. Time is tricky. "If I just had more time" is something we all probably think/say but coming to the realization that we have all the time we could possibly need is important. The Earth does not stop spinning because we are late to a meeting, lose a loved one, or take things for granted. It goes on. Time keeps going. That watch or wall clock keeps ticking. Every second passing by. What are we doing with all of this time we have been given? I am talking to myself here too, don't worry. Taking just one minute to sit with a student who appears to be upset can mean the world to them. Just a minute. Even if you do not speak the same language, concern can be felt. Love can be felt. Take the time. 

There are so many people who do so much more than me. Their plates are not just full, they are overflowing. How I wish they could take a breath and realize how great life is, how great it could be. Taking time to see things differently can be healing on varying levels. Time goes on. There is a sunrise every morning and a sunset every evening. What are you doing with the time between? You do not have to try to end world hunger in one day. Little things matter. Holding the door for an elderly woman matters even if you are in a hurry and know holding that door for even 30 seconds will make you late. Be late. Time seems to be on your side sometimes, sometimes it seems to be your greatest enemy. Take it all as it comes. Spending time with somebody for as little as a few seconds to lending a listening ear for a few hours...that can be life changing in and of itself. 

As I write this, I realize I have some papers to print before my next class. You see, some may see this as wasting time, but for me personally it is several things. Comforting, soothing, helpful, healing. Do whatever you want with your time -  just know, what other people do with theirs may seem odd to you, but if they are doing it to better themselves/others then so be it. Let time go on. Like I said, it does not need our permission to do so. The time on your clock keeps advancing. How fortunate we are with all of this time we have been given.

It Matters.

Sitting here bundled up at my desk making a power point, a question sneaks its way into my head. "Is this even worth it? Why does this matter? They don't care." I think there comes a time for us all when we take a step back, maybe willingly or forcefully and ask "Does this matter?" Maybe not about school. Relationships. Goals. Anything. There are a million and a half little things done to prepare a lesson. Not materials, necessarily. Emotion and mental preparation. I recently walked out of a class and said to myself "That was the worst class period of my time here." I would be lying if I said tears didn't come to my eyes. "Was that worth it?" Yes. Absolutely 100% worth it. Each class sees me twice a week for a total of 80 minutes. That is not really enough time to establish and maintain a solid relationship. They don't fully understand what irritates me, makes me upset and I can say the same for me about them. We have good classes, great even. Then we have not-so-great ones. I honestly don't know who is learning more though this - me or them. I would like to think it's them, but they are teaching me more than I ever expected. Hesitant at first to their teaching, I am accepting now. It's good. The bad classes are good. It is worth it. I cannot take all the credit, if any. I had amazing high school teachers and university professors. It's one of those things that you learn and think "Yeah right that will never happen to me" and brush it off. Well, folks when I walked out of that class, that was my moment.

[[This is what they were talking about. I am not indestructible. I can break.]]

The song "Words" by TobyMac comes to mind. The class I referred to was a disaster mess because of that...words said by a student directly to me. Intended to hurt. And they did, badly. I took it personally. They were upset by something I said they could not do, so they directly attacked me...with English words when they easily could have used their native language knowing I probably wouldn't understand. It hurt. In my mind, I thought I would be strong enough to handle something like that if it ever happened, but right there in that moment I couldn't. I ignored it and some other teachers were nice enough to help me handle it later. I am human. Just as I have to remember that about my students, they have to remember that about me. My students are old enough to know that. We all moved on and learned from it (I'd like to think) because I can only speak for myself. 

It matters. The lessons. The time. The words.

I have about three months left of teaching. I will miss it. I don't really want to think about leaving yet. I have an amazing journey ahead of me with marriage and everything. I am loving my journey here. Every day. Through all of it, Jesus is the same. He knows my heart & my every need. I will keep pushing on. 

"When the pressure is on, He's making diamonds."

Surrounded.

 "Ask yourself one simple question every morning on your way to work: Would you want to be a student in your class?" 

Would I? 

Would I feel comfortable? 

Confident? 

Interested?

 Engaged? 

Loved?

This post is just as much a challenge to me as I hope it is to you wherever you may be in your teaching journey. I am learning A LOT during my time here. I have only four short months left. Last semester, I had the mindset that I was going to invest one hundred percent in my students. Give them my absolute best because that is what they deserve. Well, let's be honest. That is quite easy with some students, but those few that love to push all of your buttons...that is a challenge. How am I supposed to give them my best when they clearly do not care, disrespect me, ignore my instruction, etc.? I have an answer to that- see them like God sees them. Love them like He loves them. I have only had one student personally attack me last semester. Not physically, rather verbally. It hurt. A lot. I learned that most of the time the actions they exhibit towards me aren't a personal attack on me at all, so the best way for me as their teacher to respond is talk (to the best of both of our abilities), and let them know I am not expecting perfection, whatever that may look like. The students here as very respectful, as I have mentioned before. They are children who might come from broken families, verbal abuse, educational neglect, and lonely pasts. God has chosen every one of my students to be my students this year. For a reason. Would I want to be sitting where they sit listening to a lesson, making a poster, watching a video, writing sentences? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, not so much. I am striving to make that a resounding YES this semester. As I am writing this, I am listening to "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins. How appropriate. Perfect. Being a teacher is hard. I am surrounded by things that remind me why I chose this path. The smiles, the hugs, the moment they repeat something perfectly, the moment they remember it for the next class. Just this morning sitting in my office, two of my students have came in and told me good morning. It's the little things - really. So, I bring up the question again...would I want to be a student in my class?

This place is wonderful. The students. The teachers. The environment. The lessons I will be able to carry with me throughout my career, wherever God decides to take it. It is all great. Every day, though, asking myself that simple question can be the difference between a great day and a mediocre day. 

Rain & Ring.

It has been a while since I wrote one of these things. :) 

A lot has happened in the past few weeks. We had a few weeks off of school for Winter break & Chinese New Year. It was a break very much needed by students and teachers alike. My dear mother came to visit me during said break. She arrived two days before my birthday (which was the first birthday she has spent with me in 5 years) We had a BLAST! The last time she traveled was...well, let's just say it was before she was old enough for a driver's license. She deserved a vacation & that is exactly what she got. I have to say, she was much more adventurous with trying nasty new food than I have been. I applaud her. We tried to experience as much of Kinmen as possible, but the weather had other plans as it often does. She told me she must have brought the Pennsylvania cold with her because I informed her up to that point, it had not been that cold & rainy. It was fun though! We spend almost two weeks in Kinmen, then went to Taipei for a couple of days. We visited a night market (which she liked a LOT more than I do) and Taipei 101 and the Taipei Zoo. We rode scooters, trains, buses, taxis, gondolas, high speed rails, and our feet- a lot of walking & climbing. All in all it was an amazing break for me and a fantastic vacation for her! 

[funny side note...I live on the 4th floor of an apartment building so we had to walk up and down 4 flights of stairs every time. About two weeks after she left, I had to move rooms to the 2nd floor and she said "Of course...when I leave, you get a room with less steps!" Sorry 'bout that.] 

During break....drum roll please....

I GOT ENGAGED! 

While my mom was here, my now fiancé, asked for her blessing face-to-face! PERFECT!

On February 8th, 2016 I said "YES!" to the Godly man who completes me in every way imaginable. Yes, he is from Taiwan. We kept our relationship off of social media for personal reasons. We decided to share this moment in our lives with everyone on social media after I called my family & loved ones. We feel so loved and supported - it is amazing. We have a difficult journey ahead of us with U.S. Visas and whatnot, so please bear with us as we wait {a lot of waiting} and continue to tell you if you ask...that we don't know our wedding date. We have a general idea, yes, but we cannot rush the government as much as we would like to. It is stressful, but WORTH IT. We are so incredibly happy and need the continual support of family and friends. We appreciate everybody who has showed understanding and has been wanting to help. It is not an easy, cookie cutter process. We both knew that going in, so please do not judge or jump to conclusions when you do not know the whole story. Thanks! :) 

The second semester of school, I have made several personal goals. I am so happy to be where I am and to work with the kids placed under my instruction. I have good days and bad days; don't we all? During my student teaching, I had a professor recommend writing down every day whether or not it was a good or bad day & why. I did that. For an entire semester, She told me if I had more good days than bad days, I was doing something right, that I could be happy about my progress and my time during student teaching was well worth it. Let me tell you, my good days well outnumbered my bad days. I feel like that is true teaching here also. I find myself telling people, "It is stretching me in ways I never imagined possible" frequently. Honestly, I do not know how else to explain it. It is good and bad and fun and boring all at the same time. It is a perfect mix of molding me into a better educator and individual. 

Here's to the second semester of continuing to teach something I had no prior experience in, learning from mistakes, and seeing my students as children who deserve my very best...even on my bad days.

...an added bonus to marrying Mr. Caleb Li is being able to take his last name and not having to worry too much about students mispronouncing it. Thank goodness!!